If you're a conservative, and haven't been living in a dank cave far from a WiFi signal, you know that the Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, is the biggest and baddest gathering of political conservatives in the country. CPAC 2011 set a record with over 11,000 attendees and, though I’ve not been able to find a solid attendance number on last year’s convention, I’d bet it was awfully close to that. Anyone can get lost in the clamor of people, speeches, exhibit booths, street theater, costumed Founding Fathers, fancy dinners, and after-parties. I’ve been to four CPACs and I’m always amazed at how large and loud it is, and how little material the organizers offer to those who are not seasoned veterans of the confab.
This is a new media DIY world, though, and what the organizers won’t provide, I will! Over the past few years, I’ve gleaned a few useful tips that have made my CPAC visits more enjoyable and productive and I’ll share them with you here in the hope that they’ll help you also.
So let's get started.
1) Mind Your Feet
Another year, another bigger venue, huh? This year, CPAC is at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center, which is huge (floor plan here) and events will be spread over four floors, which is (I believe) two floors more than last year’s venue, the Marriott Wardman Park. You’re going to walk a lot to cover all the things you want to see, so choose your footwear carefully. Ladies, I know you’ll want to wear your most alluring 3″ stilettos because you want to look stunning. Don’t. You’ll look just as good in a pair of lower heels or pumps. Save the big guns for the after-parties. Guys, those brand-new squeaky dress shoes may make you feel like Mitt Romney right before he dumps a pile of venture capital cash on a grateful small business, but the blisters you get after a couple hours won't make you happy. Make sure your shoes are broken in , comfortable, and can stand up to a few miles worth of walking without turning your feet into Blisterpalooza 2013.
If you must bring the awesomely showy shoes, carry them with you. CPAC usually provides a swag bag in which you can carry them (though it doesn’t hurt to carry your own bag in which to pack a couple other necessities. More on that in a bit).
Please do not blow off this piece of advice. If you don’t take any of the others, heed this one. It will save you a world of hurt.
2) Dress to Impress, But Be Cool
Last year, there was a bit of a kerfuffle over how some attendees dressed. I won’t get into all that here, but I will say that you should aim for a business casual outfit for the day’s events. I’m not staking out the puritanical old-guy view here; my reason is practical. Since the various exhibits are spread over several floors, it’s a good bet you’ll spend some time on stairs or escalators. Don’t wear something that will cause you or the person coming up the escalator behind you any embarrassment. As well, you’ll be moving around quite a bit and you’ll want something comfortable that you won’t have to tug on two hundred times during the day. So, ladies, nix the micro mini skirts. Guys, stow the super tight pants. Dress well, like you’re going to a business meeting. Later on, when the parties happen, you can go just as wild as you want. CPAC has plenty of room for stylish business casual dress and wild party attire.
I want to be clear. I’m not throwing in my lot with either the “dress code” or the “let it all hang out” crowds. You’ll have a far better time if you wear something that looks good and is comfortable for a full day’s wear. This has been your moderate RINO bullet point of the day.
Oh, you’ll want to think about layering your outfit as well. Even though CPAC is now an early March affair, temperatures will likely be all over the place. It can’t be helped; that’s how it is in DC this time of year. , the hotel will be quite warm and it'll get warmer as the day goes on. You do not want to get stuck in a crowded hall with a few hundred of your closest conservative friends in a heavy sweater over nothing at all. Make sure you can adjust your clothing to the temperature as much as you can.
3) You Can't Do It All, So Plan Ahead
Here is the agenda for CPAC 2013 (PDF download or via the mobile app) It is 17 pages long. That's right, 17 pages of speeches, lectures, panel discussion, book signings, training sessions, and receptions. Go ahead and admit to yourself right now that you are going to miss something you really want to see. It's happened to me the last two years and it'll happen this year, too. Think of CPAC like you’d think of Disneyland: you want to ride all the rides, but there isn't enough time and there are enough clones of you to go around. Believe me, I understand.
Save yourself a lot of time and disappointment and a priority list up before you get there. Print out the agenda or mark it up on the mobile app if you can and figure out what four things you want to see each day. You can go as high as five, but I think four is about the sweet spot for three reasons.
First, when you go over the agenda, you’ll probably end up with a dozen places you want to be each day. If you can set four of them above the others, you have some versatility built in to your schedule. If you miss one of the Big Four, you can fall back to one of the second-tier events. You’ll enjoy your day more because you won’t be chasing the clock most of the day, rushing to get from one end of the hotel to the other lest you miss something you really wanted to see but forgot about until the last minute. Plan ahead. Be happy.
Second, remember these events take a bit longer than you think. Not only should you plan for the time allotted on the schedule, but you should also plan to stand on line for a while, especially for the events that feature A-list speakers. You'll need to get there early if you're going to get a good seat. In the case of book-signings, I'd recommend that you queue up 15-20 minutes beforehand or 30 minutes if it involves one of the really big names. Standing in line chews up time and requires some pre-planning.
Third, if you over-plan your day with too many events, you're going to feel rushed and, ultimately, frustrated when you inevitably miss a speech or you really wanted to see. Remember, you're going to CPAC to enjoy yourself, first and foremost. Which brings me to…
4) Love the Nightlife, but Not too Much
Unless you have the social skills of a dead caribo, or are me, you're going to meet a lot of people over three days. You'll meet your friends, who will introduce you to other friends. You'll meet people you know only through Twitter or Facebook or their blogs. You'll run into famous folks (more on that later). And, most importantly, you'll catch some buzz about one of the many after-parties that happen every night. Even the most committed introvert can not resist the pull of an hour or so spend with friends, new and old. Trust me on this.
Legends are made at CPAC after parties. Whether it's a pre-planned affair (especially the ones that use the magic summoning incantation "Open Bar") or an impromptu hotel suite bacchanalia, chances are you'll get to one or two and they will provide you with stories to tell your friends and perhaps even generations of young conservatives for years. So have fun. Like I said before, you're going to CPAC to enjoy yourself, so don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to do just that.
You know there's a "but" coming, right? Well, here it is. Remember that CPAC runs for three days and plan your after-hours partying accordingly. You don't want to be one of those spent dishrags of partied-out woe slouching around the convention on Saturday afternoon, now do you? No, you want to be bright and alert so you can be in the front of the line for Ann Coulter and the keynote speech that afternoon!
You know what your limits are. Don't exceed them.
Oh, and prepare to receive many, many business cards. This year, I plan to use a neat little app called Evernote Hello to help me keep track of who I meet at CPAC and when. If you don’t want to go the app route, you may want to snap a quick pic of the business card and who gave it to you to help you remember them later (and maybe even make a little handwritten note on the card as well). Don’t worry. Most folks won’t mind if you take their picture (but remember to ask!).
5) Prepare for Brushes with Fame
Whether or not you intend on running into people you know from television, radio, or the internet, you will meet them. It's inevitable, so you might as well plan on it beforehand. In my three years, I've had chance encounters with a lot of conservative dignitaries and met several dozen top-notch bloggers and journalist-types and, chances are, you’ll meet your share as well. I didn't exactly plan to meet some of the folks I did. In fact, I met Michael Barone at my first-ever CPAC because I came around a corner a bit fast and nearly trucked him like Ray Lewis hitting a wide receiver catching a pass over the middle. Last year, I chanced into a conversation with Chuck Woolery and introduced him to my friend Marie, whose only goal at CPAC was to see him speak, on her birthday. My point is, you will have some wonderful chance meetings. When it happens, say hello, be polite, try not to babble (like I did with Mr. Woolery) and don't be afraid to ask if they'll take a picture with you. Most folks are glad to spend a moment or two for a picture and a quick word, even if they are rushing to an interview or a speech. Some of them will take even more time to chat with you for a bit. Enjoy it and don't freeze up!
6) The Plague, Boss! The Plague!
Every year, a mystery malady strikes dozens of my friends in the days immediately preceding CPAC. Call it a persistent cold, or some sort of winter flu bug, but the illness now known as The CPAC Plague is a pretty miserable experience. Some of my friends ran fevers for a few days, some lost their voice, some ended up with a week of head or chest congestion, and a couple ended up with bronchitis. When you get thousands of people in a relatively enclosed area for three days, a cold can run amuck, especially when a good chunk of the crowd run on little sleep and more alcohol than wholesome meals. Resistance to sickness runs low and germs are plentiful.
Be careful. I'm not saying you should go the full Howard Hughes, but know that all the hand-shaking, happy hugging, and close quarters partying means that a few germs will get past your immune system into your lungs. Wash your hands as often as practical (or carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer), cough into your sleeve or a handkerchief, drink only from your own glass, and try not to partake in every Caligula-like orgy you encounter. Moderate yourself and think about your health. You'll thank me for this when you're on Twitter next week and you read the tweets from everyone who didn't take my advice and were struck down with the CPAC Plague.
7) Prepare for Swag!
CPAC is a swagfest. Nearly every exhibitor will have pamphlets, books, squeezy stress balls, coffee cups, t-shirts, and all manner of other gewgaws to hand out to eager attendees. You, as an eager attendee, will collect quite a lot of swag almost without trying very hard. The fine CPAC folks will give you a swag bag, but you should carry something better. I recommend a medium-sized messenger bag or similarly-sized satchel — something that can hold a couple or three hardback books (which you may pick up at one of the many book-signings) and such other items as a digital camera, phone, or even a netbook if you're feeling ambitious. Remember those shoes I recommended you carry with you? Here’s where you put them. You will also want to reserve a pocket of that bag for a couple small snacks, which brings me to…
8) Food!
I admit, I'm not particularly well-versed about what eateries exist around the hotel. It won't be hard to get up to speed. The hotel staff can recommend several good places and the hotel restaurant serves tasty, if not exactly cheap, victuals. I recommend you throw a couple or three snacks into your bag to help keep your energy levels up — granola or breakfast bars will do nicely. That way you won't have to duck into the restaurant until you absolutely have to. Also be on the lookout for breakfast and lunch seminars in the schedule and get in on them early. At CPAC there can be such a thing as a free lunch! Take that Robert Heinlein!
9) Finishing Up
I've said this before, but I'll say it again because it's important. The point of CPAC, really, is to enjoy yourself and to come out with a little more knowledge in your head about being a savvy conservative than you had when you went in. If you accomplish that and are smiling on your way out the door, then you've had a good three days. Relax, enjoy, and don't forget to say Hi when you see me. I'll give you my card and you can take a picture of me with it. Just don’t cough on me,okay?
