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A Day to Remember: Memorial Day 2012 Posted: 26 May 2013 08:29 PM PDT A friend of mine asked me to pass this along, written by John DeLallo, a veteran. I think it’s a lovely and short reminder that Memorial Day isn’t about an extra day off, a furniture sale, or a cookout. Though those are all good things, none of them would exist as we have them today if not for those who put themselves between us and evil men who sought our destruction. Those who died to protect all of us left families and friends behind who loved them and who did not ask to be deprived of such large pieces of their lives. The least we can do, as good and decent people, is remember our dead and thank those who now live without a parent, spouse, uncle, best friend, or role-model. Read what Mr. DeLallo has to say and see what you can do to make it so today. We are kindred spirits, We the People who champion Freedom, who love Liberty, and for some of us, swore an oath to protect and defend the Constitution from all enemies, foreign and domestic. We served, we fought, we bled, and many of us left good friends behind. On Memorial Day, many folks will simply have another three day weekend, replete with frosty beverages, cookouts, and the company of friends. Others will rise early and the Dawn Patrol will fire three volleys at war memorials all over the land. We’ll then march or drive in parades past the reviewing stand and on to the graveyards. There, we will see the ocean of miniature flags waving in the morning breeze, and we will remember the sacrifices of those who gave all they were and all they would ever be upon the altar of Freedom. They did so not so much as heroes, although each and every one is a hero, but as warriors. And so it is that we offer remembrance and gratitude to each man and woman, Patriots all, who rest in peace under the Standard of our Republic. And so, if tomorrow morning you hear a muffled rumble of gunfire, and perhaps the simple melody of Taps, rise, and offer a salute to the Colors and a prayer of remembrance for all who bravely soldiered on, so that you and I may live in the Land of the Free, and the Home of the Brave.

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The “It’s My Birthday, So Here’s Some Stuff” Giveaway Drawing is Now. Hurry! Posted: 26 Apr 2013 12:19 PM PDT If you listened to The Delivery Tuesday night, you already know that my birthday is fast approaching and that I want to give a few things away to celebrate it. Yes, I know. Most bloggers and podcasters give away stuff so you’ll like their Facebook pages, sign up for their mailing lists, follow them on twitter, or heart them on Instagram or Pinterest. But like the lady said, I ain’t got time for that. I have some Audible audiobooks and I feel like giving away a few presents to celebrate my birthday. Four, to be precise. Here’s how it works. Send an e-mail to thesundriesshack [at] the gmail com place with the subject “Delivery Birthday Book”. Include your name, if it’s not already baked into your e-mail address and, if you remember to do so, tell me what book you want (peruse Audible’s catalog beforehand, just to make sure they have what you want). If you don’t tell me what book you want, I’ll have to e-mail you back and ask you, which will take more time. The deadline is 11:59 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2013. You don’t have much time. Hurry. On Monday, April 29th, I’ll take each entrant’s name and write it on a piece of paper. The pieces of paper will go, folded, into a hat. I’ll draw four names. Those winners will get the one-credit audiobook of their choice from Audible. That’s it. No like, favorite, follow, subscribe, or blog follow required. No purchase necessary. No donation demanded. I don’t get anything from Audible for doing this. Just send an e-mail. This isn’t a promotion; it’s a gift from me to you. I need your e-mail address not only as your means of entry but so I can send out what is essentially your gift-certificate. If I can make it work, I’ll record a Vine video of the actual drawing, but understand I only get six seconds to do draw the names, so that may not work. But I will try. Oh, and if you don’t want your real name appearing in the Vine video, give me a Twitter handle. That should work, too. Make sense? Clear enough? No hassles. Easy-peasy. Of course, if you live in a place where such things aren’t legal, you can’t participate. Also, I’m keeping this as simple and transparent as possible so I don’t have to jump through a bazillion legal hoops. I want to give four people an audiobook to celebrate my birthday. Let’s not make a big production out of it! Okay, so that that. Fire off your e-mail and watch my Twitter feed on Monday evening. That’s where I’ll post the Vine video, assuming I can make it work. If not, I’ll post the names/Twitter handles of the winners.

The Delivery Presents – Cheesecake and Failure Posted: 25 Apr 2013 02:24 PM PDT Episode 175, the episode in which I succumb to my baser instincts and talk about hot chicks, was a dream to make thanks to my first-half guest Ruth of Misfit Politics (@Missruth1021). We chatted about the Misfette pinup calendar and why conservatives ought to break out the hot-cha-cha a bit more often. Second half shenanigans involve social media and my years of failure. Take heart, though! We will not wallow! There is much we can learn from studying where our efforts went awry so that when we meet an opportunity again, in the words of Inigo Montoya, “…I will no fail”. Success breeds success, but failures can breed more efficient success, if we’re brave enough to look at the wreckage of what we’ve done wrong in order and pick out the useful bits. Can we be brave? I think so. The Delivery - Episode 175 This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

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Laser Ship. Laser Ship! LASER SHIP!! Posted: 11 Apr 2013 02:45 PM PDT Two years ago, I wrote this about the U.S. Navy’s plan to develop ship-mounted lasers that could light other ships on fire and shoot missiles from the air. That, folks, is not the best part of this story. I know it may seem like it is, what the the images you now have in your mind of fleets of fast attack boats firing lasers at craven Somali pirate ships, exploding them like the most awesome episode of G.I. Joe ever. But hold your imagination in check just a little longer for the real payoff — the rest of that last sentence. …but while the Navy considered the test a success, they noted it's only a small indicator of the eventual power of the laser system. [Emphasis mine] Oh. OH! The eventual power? Forget shooting down missiles. I'm pretty sure "the eventual power" is Navy Weapon Geek Secret Code for "Wave Motion Gun". Let's get that working and then develop an interstellar propulsion system we can mount on a battleship and we're in business! We’re not up to space-faring battleships just yet, but we’ve come one step closer. The Pentagon has plans to deploy its first ever ship-mounted laser next year, a disruptive, cutting-edge weapon capable of obliterating small boats and unmanned aerial vehicles with a blast of infrared energy. Navy officials announced Monday that in early 2014, a solid-state laser prototype will be mounted to the fantail of the USS Ponce and sent to the 5th fleet region in the Middle East for real-world experience. By “real world experience”, I hope they mean “poking fiery holes in the fuel tanks and ammo stores of Iranian gunboats”. Now this isn’t the bright Star Blazers future I really want, but we’re one step closer to it, right?

Return of the Pillories and Four People We Should Put in Them Today Posted: 11 Apr 2013 11:36 AM PDT Once upon a time, we had a way to punish miscreants who broke minor laws or did something so amazingly stupid that the community felt a need to make a public example of them so that others would be less inclined to break the law or be quite so dumb. Pillories. The stocks. Public shame for a short period of time, occasionally punctuated with the application of rotten fruit to or about the face of the shamed, and sanctioned by the community. Ruthless public mockery of the sort seen in Billy Madison, where the person being mocked has to stand there and take it. Mr. Madison, what you have just said, is the most insanely idiotic thing I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. And when the mockery is done, it’s done. No recriminations once the pillory is open and the mess is cleaned up. We wouldn’t put it on someone’s permanent record as we do a criminal conviction. After a few days, we’d largely forget it happened. But — and this is the important thing — the person who spent those hours with rotten tomato juice dripping from their forehead would not forget. They’d try very hard not to end up there again. We’d move on to the next person and do what we could to make sure we didn’t end up there one day. Public shame of the organized sort and not the bully-boy tactics of brave internet warriors and television talking heads would, I think, be a useful way to make sure certain sorts of foolishness don’t happen all that often. Let me give you four examples of people who’d spent a couple days in the stocks were I in charge, to show you what I’m after here. 1) James Schiliro, mayor of Marcus Hook, PA and member of “Mayors Against Illegal Guns”. Mayor Schiliro wants to take your guns away from you. Oh, sure, he’ll deny it. He’ll say he’s for “reasonable” gun laws. In reality, though, he wants to make it more difficult for people who obey the law and pose no threat to another innocent human being to own a firearm. Last month, this paragon of puffed-up virtue got himself locked up after he allegedly got drunk, used his own firearm to hold an acquaintance hostage, propositioned said acquaintance after he gave the under-aged man liquor, and fired a round into the floor. Should Mayor Schiliro go to jail? Not in my America. I say we take put the Mayor in the stocks for a couple days so the entire town, indeed every American who holds their Constitutional rights precious, can jeer him. The guy he kept captive in his allegedly drunken, horny fury can chuck the first rotten head of lettuce. 2) Melissa Harris-Perry, MS-NBC television show host and college professor. Melissa Harris-Perry wants to take your children away from you. As with Mayor Schiliro, she wouldn’t actually admit to that desire. She’s likely say that she was misinterpreted by right-Wing Nut Jobs when she said in an advertisement for her network that we had to throw off our proletarian idea that a parent is the ultimate owner of and authority for their child. A couple of days in the stocks, being yelled at by parents who understand the quickest way to ruin a child is to place her in the hands of uncaring, incompetent, unmotivated bureaucrats might give her a reason to think before she cuts another promo that praises the murderous socialist ideal. If it doesn’t dissuade her, it might well give the other upper-class socialists reason to think twice before they let their red flags fly. 3) The person in the Department of Defense who gave the green light to the presentation that listed Catholics, Evangelical Christians, and Mormons as “Extremists”. Some knucklehead inside the Department of Defense wants to take your free exercise of religion away from you. I have no idea what chain of command approved this presentation on religious extremist threats, but we need some names. The very idea that you could put Mormons on a threat list that also includes the Muslim Brotherhood and the Ku Klux Klan is so staggeringly ignorant I can’t comprehend how it exists. Still, lots of stupid ideas live happily in a lot of brains out there, which is why we need the public pillories. Shame is an excellent cure for public stupidity. Whoever wrote that presentation (though ideally I want the guy who approved it) needs to spend a couple days in the stocks. I’d say they ought to get pelted by Mormons and Catholics and Evangelical Christians, but in my experience the devout believers wronged by the DoD’s presentation wouldn’t be all that interested in being part of a public spectacle. So we’ll find some stand-ins. Perhaps a few major-league pitchers, men with great arms and uncanny accuracy, could stand in for them on tomato detail. 4) The senior Obama administration official who said we need to tax retirement accounts that have more money than “is needed to fund reasonable levels of retirement saving”. The Obama administration wants to take your labor and your future away from you. How else can you explain a law based on the belief that a government official should decide what constitutes a “reasonable” retirement? Whose business is it if you work your tail off today, deprive yourself of luxuries while you are young, so you can do anything you want after retirement without having to worry about paying the bills? I’m sure they’ll explain that they need the money to fund programs for children and poor people and widows and puppies and little ponies that don’t have enough hay, but that’s what power-hungry stooges always say. There are always poor people or deprived ponies who need help from a government that takes more than it gives, that funds lavish lives for the bureaucrats who want everything from you they can take. Stick them in the stocks. Let the working man whose gasoline bill is sky-high thanks to the ignorant meddling of progressive do-gooders have a day to jeer and shame. Let the poor person stuck for life in a system they can never leave because that guy in the stocks won’t let them go have a turn with the power. Shame is a powerful weapon. Ridicule deflates overblown egos. Public disapprobation keeps the crazy behind closed doors where it belongs and out of your life. Maybe we ought to bring it back and see what we can do to take back control of our country and our lives. All it’ll cost us is a little lumber for the stocks and some old vegetables, right? (Photo Credit: the wonderful @RuBegonia on Twitter)

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Star Trek Into Skepticism (Now, with Angels!) Posted: 05 Apr 2013 10:58 AM PDT I am one of those Star Trek fans who hated the J.J. Abrams reboot movie. I know, I know. Bad geek. Bad, bad geek! How could I not like the new rugged Kirk, the sexy Uhura, the analytic but kick-ass Spock, the very Bones-y Bones? When I want to watch an action movie, I’ll choose from any of a hundred quite good flicks in the genre. I can get a great free-fall scene from Point Break, or a vehicle chase from The Transporter, or witty sidekick repartee from Die Hard with a Vengeance (which reminds me, why, exactly, does Scotty have a homonculous? Is he auditioning for a spot as the Star Trek universe’s Dr. Moreau?). None of those, however, have the sense of wonder and questing into the unknown of a Star Trek movie. Even the worst of the Trek flicks reached beyond the borders of our universe and met God, kind of. Who do we meet in Abrams-Trek? Old and busted stuff from the past, presentedly in the most ho-hum manner possible. Spock. An angry Romulan or Vulcan or whatever he was. Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention after he busted out the Evil Mining Equipment and the Magical Mystery Matter and blew Vulcan to flinders. I’ll give Abrams credit for one thing. If you’re going to reboot a venerated series with perhaps the deepest and most rich canon of any sci-fi universes, you might as well blow up one of its linchpin planets. The old Trek guys never went that far. They only blew up a moon of a minor linchpin planet. Wusses. Now he’s moved on to blowing up major cities on Earth. I remember this movie; The Dark Knight it was called. Of course, Damon Lindelhof (you know, the guy behind the incomprehensible and eventually-disappointing Lost , the incomprehebsible and eventually-disappointing Cowboys & Aliens, and the incomprehensible and eventually-disappointing Prometheus) won’t tell us who the villain really is nor why he’s into blowing stuff up and breaking out of prison and wreaking horrible threats upon our dewy-eyed young heroes. I’m not exactly filled with confidence as Lindelhof is about as sure-handed with a plot as the baker in the Sesame Street skit is with a tray full of coconut custard pies and Abrams has a track record for promising one movie in a trailer and giving you quite another on the big screen. Inside the newest trailer, by the way, cleverly hidden next to a half-naked 20-something Dr. Carol Marcus, was a web address where you could find the latest poster for the movie. Take a look and tell me why I, an Abrams skeptic, shouldn’t write this new movie off as Just Another Clever Action Flick with an Attached Popular Brand Name. What about that says “this is a Star Trek movie” besides the words “Star Trek”? Where are the spaceships? Where is, well, space? Where is the “boldly going”, the very heart of the Star Trek franchise? What we have here is a plain-old action movie poster and not a very original one at that. I couldn’t quite place what really bothered my about it until a good friend of mine pointed out to me a couple interesting things. First, look at the stars across the top of the poster — Uhura, Kirk, and Mr. Spock, Action Vulcan. Recognize that pose? Here, let me jog your memory. And the menacing Cumberbatch front and center with billowing futuristic trenchcoat? We’ve seen him before, too. Charlie’s Angels meets The Matrix? Well, that’s not how I’d sell a Star Trek movie. Compare that to the poster for Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, the most craptastic of all the Star Trek movies. Admittedly, this isn’t a great movie poster. Why in the world are there what appear to be Mongols at the bottom (you find out during the movie, much to your horror)? Why is there so, so much pink? Why are Kirk and Spock’s faces paintings instead of portraits or screencaps? Still, the essential Trek-ness is there: the Enterprise, “adventure and imagination” written front and center, the whole sense of “going forth” in the zoomy “v” lines that frame the movie logo. I see that and I think “well, I don’t know where it’s going, but it’s certainly a Star Trek movie”. I don’t get that from anything I’ve seen of any Abrams-Trek movie. Oh, sure, the Trekkish elements are there in the names of the characters and ships. The Federation exists. We have Vulcans and Romulans and Warp Drives and things that cannae take the strain, Cap’n but they all feel like slapped-on labels there to say “Of course this is a Trek movie. Look! Kirk! Enterprise! Pointy-eared logical guy! Hot chick! The other dudes!” Maybe I”m wrong. Maybe Abrams corrected the mistakes that made his first Trek movie (IMO) unwatchable. Maybe he’s plugged the wonder and exploration into this movie and cranked them both all the way up. I’ve not seen it in any of the trailers, but perhaps he’s hiding all the really good stuff from us. I don’t know why he’d do that, but I accept that movie directors are strange ducks who like to keep clever secrets. So, maybe he’ll surprise me. While I’m at it, though, I probably ought to wish for a pony.

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How About Some Amateur Rock Drumming? Say Yes, Please! Posted: 04 Apr 2013 07:37 PM PDT If you have a couple hours to kill one evening, click over to YouTube and search for song covers made my amateur musicians. Sure, you’ll see a lot of junk, but if you’re patient and your search-fu is strong, you’ll find some amazing performances. I went YouTube prospecting a few weeks ago and found a few drumming videos that I’ve gone back to watch several times. They’re that good! Okay. First up, a six year-old kid playing Rush’s “Tom Sawyer”. No, don’t you dare skip over this one. Keep in mind he’s six and trying to play a song that vexes even the greatest living drummer in the explored galaxy. Like that? Here’s another drum cover of the same song, edited a bit for time, by a young lady whose videos fascinate me. Her name is Meytal Cohen and she’s out in Los Angeles, by way of Israel. She is very, very good and obviously loves what she does — an irresistible combination. Yes, I noticed she’s a knockout. Oddly enough, the more I watched her play, the less I noticed what she looked like. Skill and enthusiasm holds my attention a heck of a lot longer than a cute smile. Check out how well she handles Rush’s instrumental “YYZ”. Also, go ahead and try not to be blown away at the 2:14 mark and utterly charmed at the 2:20 mark. I dare you. She’ll get your attention back on the drums at 2:30. One more from Meytal, who I hope gets into a band that can showcase her incredible chops very soon. This one’s Zeppelin. “Black Dog”. Oh, I see your skepticism over there. Yes, you giving me the “oh please!” look right now. Peart and Bonham, you say? Hell yes, I say. She doesn’t have Bonham’s heavy bass drum foot, but she has his patience and his rock-solid tempo, which is what you need to handle Zeppelin. Also, she sings along silently to some of the vocals, a musician thing with which I identify strongly. Very strongly, actually. No go forth and find your own amateur cover tune goodness!

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Denial Isn’t Just a River in China…And Neither are 28,000 Others Posted: 03 Apr 2013 08:39 PM PDT China’s rivers are disappearing. After a three-year survey by the nation’s Ministry of Water Resourses, China has some 28,000 fewer rivers than everyone believed it had. Of course, the previous figure of roughly 50,000 was an official government number, and we all know we can trust the Chinese government to dispense accurate and timely information about as often as the History Channel dispenses programs that don’t involve Bigfoot, Nostradamus, Ancient Aliens, Nazis, or the Illuminati. Perhaps there really were that many rivers in China and perhaps the number was a bit smaller. Regardless, what the study revealed is an ecological disaster if that 50,000 had been 40,000 or even 30,000. Predictably, the Chinese government has blamed the loss other people — the bureaucrats who came before them or that Ol’ Debbil Climate Change. The truth, however, is that most of the fault lies squarely on their stupid adherence to the deadly precepts of socialism. According to the South China Morning Post, officials attributed the decline to global warming and outdated mapping techniques, saying previous estimates were based on incomplete topographical maps from the 1950s. Experts, meanwhile, say there are more direct factors at play — namely, explosive economic development and poor environmental stewardship. Ma Jun, director of the Beijing-based Institute of Public and Environmental Affairs, acknowledges that updated mapping techniques could explain some discrepancies in river estimates, though he notes that the government’s findings corroborate those from independent studies. “Our research has shown that in some areas, especially in north China, rivers are drying up or turning into seasonal rivers,” Ma said in a phone interview with The Verge. There are several explanations for this phenomenon, including deforestation and, to a less certain extent, climate change, though Ma says the two primary catalysts are pollution and overpopulation. Together, they form a potentially disastrous combination. China’s mushrooming population has added extra strain to its limited water supply, while the country’s rampant industrialization has left many rivers contaminated. A couple notes here. It’s interesting the Chinese government notes those erroneous maps date back to the 1950s, because that’s the decade of the Great Leap Forward, which resulted in roughly 30 million dead thanks to the famine caused by Mao’s unshakable belief that he knew best. Mao’s bureaucrats couldn’t make maps because they were busy trying to turn an agrarian economy into an industrial economy using every ridiculous collectivist notion they could grab. Afterwards, the government could have produced accurate maps but it spent the next two decades of the Cultural Revolution slaughtering its way across the countryside. Instead of governing an intelligent, industrious population and watching China grow into a prosperous and happy nation, Mao and his band of socialist butchers turned it into a paranoid, poor country whose economy is built on intellectual theft and cyber-banditry. And that’s where we are right now. Climate change isn’t to blame for China’s missing rivers. The tyrants in Beijing caused the problem. Look to the mega-dams that have displaces millions, re-routed rivers, and destroyed entire ecosystems. Look to the lack of laws that protect the people or the environment, even though the government has all the power to enforce any environmental law it wishes. Despite all the power concentrated at the very top for more than half a century, China is not a progressive utopia but a horror show. Could we perhaps take a lesson from China and put the brakes on the meddling know-it-alls who, like the tyrants in Beijing, think they know how to run a country all by themselves? I know we’re a long way from Great Leaps Forward and river disappearances but I’d really like to keep as much distance as we can between us and the failures of socialism. America is pretty great and China isn’t. There are reasons for both. Let’s remember them, huh? (Photo Credit: AdamCohn on Flickr)

The Rookie’s Guide to H.P. Lovecraft, in 1500 Words or Less Posted: 02 Apr 2013 02:08 PM PDT If I had to pick a favorite horror author, I’d go with Howard Phillips Lovecraft. His tales of horror, most often set in small-town New England (with the occasional jaunt to the Antarctic, New York City, or The Dreamlands), are enjoyable little morsels of creepiness. Lovecraft was one of several authors such as M.R. James, Arthur Machen, Robert Bloch, and Robert E. Howard who cranked out short stories and novellas for various literary magazines (and, if they were fortunate, published novels) whose work was heavily influenced by those  Gothic horror authors before them such as Lord Dunsany, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Edgar Allen Poe. Lovecraft was not exactly a paragon of manly virtue nor was he a particularly nice man. A self-avowed racist, many of his stories contain language you simply would not get past an editor today. As an example, see the name of the main character’s cat in The Rats in the Walls. It’s tempting to say he was a product of his time, and that may be true to an extent, but Lovecraft went a bit over the top when it came to dislike for those of other races (and mixed race relationships, which is odd considering he married a Jewish woman). The Basic Setup and Where to Find the Stories The outline of the classic Lovecraft story is this: The protagonist, who is usually a young and curious man with academic leanings comes across something  – an old statue, a scrap of old manuscript, a local legend, a forgotten house, a curious medical story — that piques his interest. He begins to investigate the thing that grabbed his attention only to find it is the tip of a mountain of legend and lore that goes back farther and reaches deeper into the shadows of forbidden knowledge than he reckoned. Usually, at some point, another character shows up to warn him off the hunt, but the warning goes unheeded. As the investigation proceeds, the protagonist becomes increasingly disturbed by what he uncovers but is unable to stop. His search often leads him well off the well-traveled roads into towns where the locals aren’t quite right and he’s seen as an interloper. Eventually, he reaches the core of the mystery as which poi–AAAH! NAMELESS AND MIND-BLASTING HORRORS FROM BEYOND TIME AND SPACE! *gibber drool slurp twitch* Okay, his stories don’t all end in a loud minor chord but a good number of them do, which is part of their appeal. Much like Stephen King’s finest novels The Shining and Pet Sematary, we know fairly early on in the story that a Lovecraftian protagonist is going to meet with a horrible end, but we can’t turn away. We need to see where they mystery leads as much as he does, but we at least have the confidence that our brain won’t end up excised by alien insects and prepared for transport to their cold and light-less home. Probably. Because Lovecraft was not possessed with much business sense and died without heirs, his works have passed into the public domain. You can read them all for free on the web at the H.P. Lovecraft archive or download a well put-together compilation of his works for your e-reader of choice. If you choose the latter, please thank CthulhuChick for her hard work. Now that you have the stories in front of you, click on the link or open that book in your e-reader and… Holy Crapweasel! So. Many. Stories. You noticed that, too? Lovecraft was a prolific author and the sheer number of stories are enough to put anyone off. Where in the world do you start? Should you read chronologically (and chance being put off good stories by a few early clunkers)? Are there ongoing themes? I’ll be honest, though I’m a Lovecraft fan, I haven’t read everything he wrote and I probably won’t because some of it, his poetry particularly, isn’t really my speed. That said, you may really dig it and if you do, dive in! Really, you don’t need to read everything. We’re going to use the Table of Contents to send us straight to the good stuff and, after you’ve read those, if you want to cover even more ground, you can. The important thing to remember is that most of Lovecraft’s stories are short. You can read them in one sitting. His novellas are good for a few hours of lights-out, hunker under the covers, keep a baseball bat handy in case something is hiding under the bed or behind the closet door reading. Before I send you to the good stuff, though, let’s do a bit of necessary culling. Set These Aside for Later We’ve already set aside the poems (unless, of course, you love poetry, in which case start there and come back in a couple months). Now, let’s lay aside the stories that comprise the Dream Cycle (which you can find in one inexpensive volume here). Lovecraft wrote an entire category of stories that revolve around “The Dreamlands”, a separate dimension the protagonists could only access through their dreams. While I like the Dream Cycle stories, they’re…different. You may want to tackle them after you get a good feel for Lovecraft’s vibe. I’ve taken this list from the Dream Cycle Wikipedia page, to which you can refer if you’re curious. “Polaris” “The White Ship” “The Doom That Came to Sarnath” “The Cats of Ulthar” “Celephaïs” “Ex Oblivione” “From Beyond” “Nyarlathotep” “The Quest of Iranon” “The Other Gods” “Azathoth” “Hypnos” “What the Moon Brings” “The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath” “The Outsider” “The Silver Key” “The Strange High House in the Mist” “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward” “The Dreams in the Witch House” “Through the Gates of the Silver Key” There are two exceptions to the list . “The Dreams in the Witch House” is a solid story apart from the Dreamlands component and it reads more like a conventional Gothic horror story than, say, “The Silver Key”. Put that one back in the “Read sooner than later” bucket. “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward” is Lovecraft’s only novel-length work (about 50,000 words). Though it deals heavily with the Dreamlands, it roams about in other places and is a pretty good introduction to the overall themes that tend to crop up in his other stories – sorcerers, Things Man Was Not Meant to Know, plots from outside time and space, mighty beings who wish the destruction of men, and the ever-present intrepid investigator who ends up in an asylum. It’s not one of my favorites, but it’s not bad. If you decide to get into the Dream Cycle, start with the novel. The Essential List Now that we’ve set aside the Dream Cycle stories, I’ll sift out the best of the rest. I tried to give you a rough reading order, based on how much I liked each tale, so the last one in each list is my favorite. Longer works: At the Mountains of Madness The Call of Cthulhu The Colour Out of Space The Whisperer in Darkness The Dunwich Horror The Shadow over Innsmouth Shorter works: The Dreams in the Witch House The Shunned House Pickman’s Model The Tomb The Lurking Fear The Thing on the Doorstep Cool Air The Rats in the Walls The Music of Erich Zann The Haunter of the Dark There you go. That’s your list of essential H.P. Lovecraft stories. I did leave a few off the list for you to discover on your own. Besides, you don’t want to limit yourself to the stories I like. What’s the fun in that? Go read a few more and find the ones you like best. When you do discover those little gems, leave a note in the comments to tell me what you found and why you liked it. I’d love to hear from you!

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The Kincaid Kolumn Kerfuffle Posted: 13 Mar 2013 02:14 PM PDT Before I hit the meat of my post, let me lay a couple things out there. First, I think we’d be incredibly foolish to tinker with the definition of marriage any more than we have. A few decades of well-intentioned meddling ought to have taught us we absolutely suck at predicting unintended consequences. If we move the very bright line of marriage as a union between a man and a woman, we do so with the full knowledge that we will likely have handed generations after us a weaker society. I know plenty of my conservative friends disagree with me but I’ve yet to have anyone give me a reasoned argument to prove I’m wrong (and no, that’s not an invitation). Second, I don’t care if CPAC invited GOProud to be a co-sponsor, or whatever they call it, at this year’s convention. There’s a lot to the history between some members of the ACU board and GOProud that is rarely reported and I’d bet that history had a lot more to do with the board’s decision than any animus against gay activists. Third, I really don’t care who is or isn’t gay. If you’re gay, fine. If you’re not, fine. You are what you are and you do what you do. Sexual proclivity is the least of my concern when I consider a political candidate, business partner, or friend. I care a heck of a lot more about whether you are a good person, whether you treat those around you well, whether you can control your temper, and where you stand on the eternal Kirk vs. Picard debate. That said, this editorial by Cliff Kincaid, the Director of the AIM Center for Investigative Journalism is ridiculous and shameful. No rational human being should be proud to have their name attached to such a noxious stew of half-baked history, conspiracy theory, and boring, self-aggrandizing outrage-peddling. Here’s a little sample of the frothiest bit. What better way to destroy the family than to undermine the relationship between a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, and eliminate the need for children to have mothers and fathers? Here, again, the homosexuals deliberately pervert the language, so that two women or two men have now become shacked-up "partners" or even "husband and wife" in "civil unions" or even "marriages." Hay's contribution to communism in America was developing the idea that homosexuals, like the "workers" under capitalism, were being oppressed and had to assert their "rights." The donation of gay blood to the nation's blood supply, despite the health risks, is the next "right" that the male homosexuals now are demanding the government grant to them. I know folks have gone a bit crazy over this. Many of them have demanded AIM condemn the piece. A few have suggested those who won this years Reed Irvine Accuracy in Media Award boycott the presentation and refuse the award. I don’t think any of that is necessary. AIM ought to apologize for Kincaid’s editorial, not because it’s a hate-filled hate-cake with hate frosting but because it’s a transparent and embarrassing link-bait attempt we bloggers have seen for years. I doubt Kincaid really believes that homosexuals are in-the-closet communists. Folks who hold that chunk of crazy in their head usually don’t have room for more useful knowledge like how Velcro works or how to operate a doorknob. Sure, it’s possible, but it’s a lot more likely that Kincaid tried to take advantage of the CPAC/GOProud dustup to grab a bit of attention for AIM. Like a lot of people who go a link-whoring, he jumped way the heck over the line. We ought to slam him for it. Link-whoring is a a cheap way to drive web traffic and it makes people a lot less likely to trust what a web site writes. Kincaid cheapened his whole organization and pulled down the reputation of those who work at AIM with him. He’s a bad conservative, a bad writer, and a bad co-worker. That’s what I think, for whatever it’s worth.

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On the Ice, Not Every Fight is a Good Fight Posted: 07 Mar 2013 01:29 PM PST I’m a hockey fan, despite the NHL’s efforts to drive me from the game. I like the speed of the game, the competitiveness of the league, the athleticism of the men who play the game, and the violence. Yes, you heard me. I like the violence in hockey. I like contact sports. When I was younger (and you may want to imagine me shaking a cane in your face at this point, you young whippersnapper), I played a few different sports and the ones at which I excelled were the ones where I could use my fireplug-shaped, not-at-all-build-for-speed body to wreak havoc on my opponents. Any chance to drop a shoulder, throw a hip, run someone over, or break up a double play in a game made ma an awfully happy camper. So while I appreciate when Yvgeni Malkin or Pavel Datsyuk dance delicately through defenders, handling the puck with stick movements almost too fast for the human eye to track, I love the scrappers and grinders. Give me a dirty goal scored from right in front of a hassled goalie by Matt Hendricks, Paul Gaustad, or (God forgive me) Brooks Orpik and I’m a happy camper. I don’t know how you have hockey without the the guys who go hard into the corners, who mix it up in front of the net, who throw the big shoulder or hip checks at the blue line, and who fight. That’s right, I said fight. Fighting is an important part of hockey with all manner of tactical rationales and if you removed it, you would no longer have hockey but ice dancing, a a pretty game but essentially ballet with a final score. On the other hand, not all fights are equal. There is a world of difference between a fight that happens during the flow of the game and one that is staged. The first is an unavoidable (and even important) part of the game; the latter is foolish and unnecessarily dangerous. Greg Wyshynski, the Puck Daddy, disagrees and while I’m hesitant to argue with him because I believe he’s the smartest hockey commentator I know, I think he’s missed an important point in his piece of staged hockey fights. First, let me give you a little more setup. Last night, not even 30 seconds into their game, the Maple Leafs’ Frazer McLaren and the Senators’ David Dziurzynski fought. They hadn’t had time to go at each other. Neither player was trying to rev up his team or swing the momentum of the game. Neither player had thrown an iffy check at someone on the other team. This was a staged fight, begun for reasons that had little to do with the game that night. It ended badly. McLaren knocked Dziurzynski out and gave him a concussion. The fight should never have happened and the league should take action against both players and their teams. Here is where Wyshynski and I disagree. He believes my stance on fighting ought to be either all-in or not at all. Here's where I am on fighting, as an issue of player safety: You can't be "a little pregnant", you can't have a "mild concussion" and you can't crucify the existence of one type of fighting for its dangers while endorsing – either implicit or explicitly – another more seemingly valorous brand of fisticuffs. Enough with the selective dread. I'm an across-the-board, card carrying Neanderthal on fighting. I appreciate its value as a tactic. I understand its necessity as a deterrent or a steam value for aggression in this violent game. I acknowledge, without remorse, that it's a barbarous form of entertainment that frequently enhances my enjoyment of the NHL. I like spontaneous fights more than staged fights, but I refuse to take out my scalpel and surgically remove one from the other. It's all fists to faces, knuckles to brains, two players volunteering to endure between 20 and 60 seconds of inhumane punishment for the sake of sport. But over the decades, many conflicted hockey fans have attempted to add nuance to the fighting debate. They enjoy it, understand its "place in the game" and don't want to align themselves with the pacifist masses that clutch the pearls when the gloves are dropped because they saw Chris Nowinski talk about CTE on CBC. But it's those staged fights they find abhorrent, that have no place in the game and that are going to get someone killed one day. The more purposeful integrity the fight has, the less concern for player safety we’re supposed to have, I guess. He’s missed one consideration, though, that should not be overlooked. One can enjoy a contact sport in which players do get hurt, even seriously, and want that sport to outlaw unnecessary risks to the players. Staged fights are unnecessary risks. They don’t add to the game. They don’t change the outcome of a game. They don’t put people in the seats. They don’t make kids want to grow up and be hockey players. They don’t get grown men onto skates and into beer leagues. They do put players at greater risk of serious and lasting injury and bring players into the game whose only marketable skill is their ability to take repeated shots to the skull, like Homer Simpson dragged into the ring to fight Lucius Sweet. I suppose you could say my dislike for them is all about “purposeful utility” but so what? I like big hits in a football game but I support rules that protect defenseless players and come down hard on helmet-to-helmet hits. That decision is also based on “purposeful utility” but I don’t think Wyshynski would have much of a problem with it. Hockey can’t reasonably mitigate every risk to a player’s health, but the league can work around the edges. Once upon a time, players didn’t have to wear helmets; now they do. More players wear visors than don’t and the league is even now considering a mandate. Staged fights are a piece of low-hanging fruit the league should not hesitate to pluck and hockey fans ought to encourage it to do so. It simply makes sense, no matter whether you like fights or not. (Photo Credit: slgckgc on Flickr)

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The Rookie’s Rough Guide to #CPAC2013 Posted: 05 Mar 2013 06:15 AM PST If you're a conservative, and haven't been living in a dank cave far from a WiFi signal, you know that the Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, is the biggest and baddest gathering of political conservatives in the country. CPAC 2011 set a record with over 11,000 attendees and, though I’ve not been able to find a solid attendance number on last year’s convention, I’d bet it was awfully close to that. Anyone can get lost in the clamor of people, speeches, exhibit booths, street theater, costumed Founding Fathers, fancy dinners, and after-parties. I’ve been to four CPACs and I’m always amazed at how large and loud it is, and how little material the organizers offer to those who are not seasoned veterans of the confab. This is a new media DIY world, though, and what the organizers won’t provide, I will! Over the past few years, I’ve gleaned a few useful tips that have made my CPAC visits more enjoyable and productive and I’ll share them with you here in the hope that they’ll help you also. So let's get started. 1) Mind Your Feet Another year, another bigger venue, huh? This year, CPAC is at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center, which is huge (floor plan here) and events will be spread over four floors, which is (I believe) two floors more than last year’s venue, the Marriott Wardman Park. You’re going to walk a lot to cover all the things you want to see, so choose your footwear carefully. Ladies, I know you’ll want to wear your most alluring 3″ stilettos because you want to look stunning. Don’t. You’ll look just as good in a pair of lower heels or pumps. Save the big guns for the after-parties. Guys,  those brand-new squeaky dress shoes may make you feel like Mitt Romney right before he dumps a pile of venture capital cash on a grateful small business, but the blisters you get after a couple hours won't make you happy. Make sure your shoes are broken in , comfortable, and can stand up to a few miles worth of walking without turning your feet into Blisterpalooza 2013. If you must bring the awesomely showy shoes, carry them with you. CPAC usually provides a swag bag in which you can carry them (though it doesn’t hurt to carry your own bag in which to pack a couple other necessities. More on that in a bit). Please do not blow off this piece of advice. If you don’t take any of the others, heed this one. It will save you a world of hurt. 2) Dress to Impress, But Be Cool Last year, there was a bit of a kerfuffle over how some attendees dressed. I won’t get into all that here, but I will say that you should aim for a business casual outfit for the day’s events. I’m not staking out the puritanical old-guy view here; my reason is practical. Since the various exhibits are spread over several floors, it’s a good bet you’ll spend some time on stairs or escalators. Don’t wear something that will cause you or the person coming up the escalator behind you any embarrassment. As well, you’ll be moving around quite a bit and you’ll want something comfortable that you won’t have to tug on two hundred times during the day. So, ladies, nix the micro mini skirts. Guys, stow the super tight pants. Dress well, like you’re going to a business meeting. Later on, when the parties happen, you can go just as wild as you want. CPAC has plenty of room for stylish business casual dress and wild party attire. I want to be clear. I’m not throwing in my lot with either the “dress code” or the “let it all hang out” crowds. You’ll have a far better time if you wear something that looks good and is comfortable for a full day’s wear. This has been your moderate RINO bullet point of the day. Oh, you’ll want to think about layering your outfit as well. Even though CPAC is now an early March affair, temperatures will likely be all over the place. It can’t be helped; that’s how it is in DC this time of year. , the hotel will be quite warm and it'll get warmer as the day goes on. You do not want to get stuck in a crowded hall with a few hundred of your closest conservative friends in a heavy sweater over nothing at all. Make sure you can adjust your clothing to the temperature as much as you can. 3) You Can't Do It All, So Plan Ahead Here is the agenda for CPAC 2013 (PDF download or via the mobile app) It is 17 pages long. That's right, 17 pages of speeches, lectures, panel discussion, book signings, training sessions, and receptions. Go ahead and admit to yourself right now that you are going to miss something you really want to see. It's happened to me the last two years and it'll happen this year, too. Think of CPAC like you’d think of Disneyland: you want to ride all the rides, but there isn't enough time and there are enough clones of you to go around. Believe me, I understand. Save yourself a lot of time and disappointment and a priority list up before you get there. Print out the agenda or mark it up on the mobile app if you can and figure out what four things you want to see each day. You can go as high as five, but I think four is about the sweet spot for three reasons. First, when you go over the agenda, you’ll probably end up with a dozen places you want to be each day. If you can set four of them above the others, you have some versatility built in to your schedule. If you miss one of the Big Four, you can fall back to one of the second-tier events. You’ll enjoy your day more because you won’t be chasing the clock most of the day, rushing to get from one end of the hotel to the other lest you miss something you really wanted to see but forgot about until the last minute. Plan ahead. Be happy. Second, remember these events take a bit longer than you think. Not only should you plan for the time allotted on the schedule, but you should also plan to stand on line for a while, especially for the events that feature A-list speakers. You'll need to get there early if you're going to get a good seat. In the case of book-signings, I'd recommend that you queue up 15-20 minutes beforehand or 30 minutes if it involves one of the really big names. Standing in line chews up time and requires some pre-planning. Third, if you over-plan your day with too many events, you're going to feel rushed and, ultimately, frustrated when you inevitably miss a speech or you really wanted to see. Remember, you're going to CPAC to enjoy yourself, first and foremost. Which brings me to… 4) Love the Nightlife, but Not too Much Unless you have the social skills of a dead caribo, or are me, you're going to meet a lot of people over three days. You'll meet your friends, who will introduce you to other friends. You'll meet people you know only through Twitter or Facebook or their blogs. You'll run into famous folks (more on that later). And, most importantly, you'll catch some buzz about one of the many after-parties that happen every night. Even the most committed introvert can not resist the pull of an hour or so spend with friends, new and old. Trust me on this. Legends are made at CPAC after parties. Whether it's a pre-planned affair (especially the ones that use the magic summoning incantation "Open Bar") or an impromptu hotel suite bacchanalia, chances are you'll get to one or two and they will provide you with stories to tell your friends and perhaps even generations of young conservatives for years. So have fun. Like I said before, you're going to CPAC to enjoy yourself, so don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to do just that. You know there's a "but" coming, right? Well, here it is. Remember that CPAC runs for three days and plan your after-hours partying accordingly. You don't want to be one of those spent dishrags of partied-out woe slouching around the convention on Saturday afternoon, now do you? No, you want to be bright and alert so you can be in the front of the line for Ann Coulter and the keynote speech that afternoon! You know what your limits are. Don't exceed them. Oh, and prepare to receive many, many business cards. This year, I plan to use a neat little app called Evernote Hello to help me keep track of who I meet at CPAC and when. If you don’t want to go the app route, you may want to snap a quick pic of the business card and who gave it to you to help you remember them later (and maybe even make a little handwritten note on the card as well). Don’t worry. Most folks won’t mind if you take their picture (but remember to ask!). 5) Prepare for Brushes with Fame Whether or not you intend on running into people you know from television, radio, or the internet, you will meet them. It's inevitable, so you might as well plan on it beforehand. In my three years, I've had chance encounters with a lot of conservative dignitaries and met several dozen top-notch bloggers and journalist-types and, chances are, you’ll meet your share as well.  I didn't exactly plan to meet some of the folks I did. In fact, I met Michael Barone at my first-ever CPAC because I came around a corner a bit fast and nearly trucked him like Ray Lewis hitting a wide receiver catching a pass over the middle. Last year, I chanced into a conversation with Chuck Woolery and introduced him to my friend Marie, whose only goal at CPAC was to see him speak, on her birthday. My point is, you will have some wonderful chance meetings. When it happens, say hello, be polite, try not to babble (like I did with Mr. Woolery) and don't be afraid to ask if they'll take a picture with you. Most folks are glad to spend a moment or two for a picture and a quick word, even if they are rushing to an interview or a speech. Some of them will take even more time to chat with you for a bit. Enjoy it and don't freeze up! 6) The Plague, Boss! The Plague! Every year, a mystery malady strikes dozens of my friends in the days immediately preceding CPAC. Call it a persistent cold, or some sort of winter flu bug, but the illness now known as The CPAC Plague is a pretty miserable experience. Some of my friends ran fevers for a few days, some lost their voice, some ended up with a week of head or chest congestion, and a couple ended up with bronchitis. When you get thousands of people in a relatively enclosed area for three days, a cold can run amuck, especially when a good chunk of the crowd run on little sleep and more alcohol than wholesome meals. Resistance to sickness runs low and germs are plentiful. Be careful. I'm not saying you should go the full Howard Hughes, but know that all the hand-shaking, happy hugging, and close quarters partying means that a few germs will get past your immune system into your lungs. Wash your hands as often as practical (or carry a small bottle of hand sanitizer), cough into your sleeve or a handkerchief, drink only from your own glass, and try not to partake in every Caligula-like orgy you encounter. Moderate yourself and think about your health. You'll thank me for this when you're on Twitter next week and you read the tweets from everyone who didn't take my advice and were struck down with the CPAC Plague. 7) Prepare for Swag! CPAC is a swagfest. Nearly every exhibitor will have pamphlets, books, squeezy stress balls, coffee cups, t-shirts, and all manner of other gewgaws to hand out to eager attendees. You, as an eager attendee, will collect quite a lot of swag almost without trying very hard. The fine CPAC folks will give you a swag bag, but you should carry something better. I recommend a medium-sized messenger bag or similarly-sized satchel — something that can hold a couple or three hardback books (which you may pick up at one of the many book-signings) and such other items as a digital camera, phone, or even a netbook if you're feeling ambitious. Remember those shoes I recommended you carry with you? Here’s where you put them. You will also want to reserve a pocket of that bag for a couple small snacks, which brings me to… 8) Food! I admit, I'm not particularly well-versed about what eateries exist around the hotel. It won't be hard to get up to speed. The hotel staff can recommend several good places and the hotel restaurant serves tasty, if not exactly cheap, victuals. I recommend you throw a couple or three snacks into your bag to help keep your energy levels up — granola or breakfast bars will do nicely. That way you won't have to duck into the restaurant until you absolutely have to. Also be on the lookout for breakfast and lunch seminars in the schedule and get in on them early. At CPAC there can be such a thing as a free lunch! Take that Robert Heinlein! 9) Finishing Up I've said this before, but I'll say it again because it's important. The point of CPAC, really, is to enjoy yourself and to come out with a little more knowledge in your head about being a savvy conservative than you had when you went in. If you accomplish that and are smiling on your way out the door, then you've had a good three days. Relax, enjoy, and don't forget to say Hi when you see me. I'll give you my card and you can take a picture of me with it. Just don’t cough on me,okay?

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